I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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