I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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