I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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