Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
