I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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