why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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