the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
