If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
