I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
