Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Randomize
