Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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