I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize