dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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