We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
