we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
