I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize