How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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