I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize