Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
