also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
