It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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