Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize