I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
