hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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