Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
