First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
