your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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