Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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