i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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