I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
