Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
