The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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