xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
