So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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