you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
