Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
