So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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