I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
soo... how was my night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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