There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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