I wish my penis had an off switch
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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