i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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