look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
