If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
