What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
