i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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