and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
