My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
