..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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