im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
