We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
