u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she told me i tasted like america
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
