drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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