My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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