I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
