i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
