and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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