Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize