I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
