to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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