At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
