M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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