I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
