I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
